10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Have you ever gone on a date? yes Have you ever held hands? yes Have you ever kissed someone? yes What about French kiss? yes Have you ever had oral sex? no Have you ever had sex? no Have you ever skinny dipped? yea Have you ever seen a porno movie, magazine or website? yea Have you ever drank alcohol? yea Have you ever gotten drunk? yea Have you ever cheated on a test in school? yea Have you ever cut a class at school? no Have you ever gotten in a fist fight? no Have you ever smoked cigarettes? no Have you ever smoked pot? no Have you ever shoplifted? yea Do you steal from work? no Have you ever been suspended? no Have you ever been arrested? no Have you ever taken money from a collection plate? no Have you ever stolen someones boyfriend or girlfriend? no Have you ever cheated on a partner? no Have you trespassed? yea Have you ever movie jumped? yea Have you ever made someone bleed? yea Have you ever tried to kill someone? no Have you ever screamed out the wrong persons name during sex? no Have you ever lied to a loved one? yea Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning? no Have you ever given someone a dutch oven? no Have you stayed on a date after midnight? no Have you had a one night stand? no Have you ever told someone elses secret that you swore not to tell? yea Have you ever walked in on people having sex? no Ever walk in on your parents or sibling having sex? no Do you curse often? no Have you ever yelled at your principal in school? no Have you ever told someone, outside your family, you loved them seriously? yes Have you ever toilet papered someone's house? no Have you fantasized about sex? yes Have you ever gotten a tattoo or piercing? yes Have you ever spied on a neighbor? no Have you ever written on school property? yes Have you ever used a hair coloring product? no Have you made up and spread evil rumors about someone? no
Do you like to drink pickle juice? no Do you like the smell your own farts? no lol Do you look at your poop? no..... well sometimes Do you show it to people? um.. no comment Do you pee in the shower? yes!!! Would you ever try mustard on your oatmeal? no lol i dont like oatmeal!! Do you laugh when people fart? YEA im laughing right now Would you ride a bike blind folded? no why wold i do that Do you laugh when other people hurt themselves? ALL THE TIME Have you popped another persons zit? No gross Have you written a secret admirer letter? once in like kindergarden Would you prank call your grandma? lol...no Have you prank called a grocery store? yes If so, what did you say? do u carry condoms? Do you smell your shoes when you take them off? no Do you examine your boogers? nope What caused one of your nose bleeds? a slap to the face Can you roll your tongue? no Do you pick your wedgies in public? no Ever see someone with Camel Toe in person? yes it scary!!!! How often do you change your underwear? Once a day
1. Would you bang your neighbor? yea most likly, hes pretty hot!! 2. What word describes your last relationship? physical 3. Do you wear any jewelery? yep 4. What is the last movie you saw? horton hears a who 5. Who was the last person you held hands with? Joe Adams 6. What is your middle name? Mae 7. Who have you talked to most today? my dad 8. Do you carve pumpkins every year? heck yea 9. Color of your undies? now... baby blue 10. Color of your shirt? red 11. I am always ... happy and lovable 12. Who is on speed dial 2? 4? 6? 2-Gerrick 4-Eric 6-Tyler 13. Honestly, how many men/women have u been in love with? 1 and still am 14. What is your favorite season? fall 15. How do you feel right now? about ready to dance 16. Are you a bad influence? yea 17. Do you watch American Idol? no 18. What are you doing right now besides this survey? watch t.v 19. Would you do anything for someone else? now.. no 20. Have you ever been called a bitch? to many times 21. Do you believe everyone has a soulmate? no 22. What is your ringtone? island in the sun by weezer 23. What song is on? there isnt 24. Are your grades good? idc and idk 25. Do you hate anyone/anything? hell yeah who dosnt? 26. Does your best friend have a myspace? yea 27. Can you sing? people tell me i can 28. Last time you went out to lunch? ? 29. What is the last thing you bought? tampons 30. What is the last thing someone bought you? weed 31. Do you ever sing in the shower? yea 32. What is your favorite movie? ladie and the tramp 33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears cds? no not one 34. What did you do last night? PARTY!! 35. Are you a Lost fanatic? ? 36. If you were given a drug test right now would you pass or fail? um...fail 37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library? crazy train 38. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization? no 39. Have you ever been to South America or Africa? no 40. Do you know how to knit? no... maybe 41. Do you have a job? yes 42. Physics or chemistry? physics 43. Baskin Robbins or Coldstone? coldstone 44. Facebook, Myspace or SocialSplash.com ? SocialSplash 45. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars? Lord of the Rings 46. Fly or road trip? road trip 47. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman? spiderman 48. Floss or Mouthwash or water pic? floss 49. Earthquake or Hurricane? earthquake 50. MySpaceBulletins.com or QuizPox.com ? quizpox
1. What is your dads name? Raymand c. leslie 2. What is your moms name? Laurie R. leslie 3. Who is older? dad 4. Where did they meet? at a friends party 5. Do they argue alot? some times 6. Which one do you get along with better? my dad 7. How long have they been married? 10 years 8. What is your dads favorite thing to do? watch tv 9. What is your moms favorite thing to do? clean 10. Whats your dads favorite color? blue 11. Whats your moms favorite color? purple 12. Do they both work? yeap 14. Are they still happy together? no not really 15. What would you do if they told you that they were going to get divorced? they already did, i didnt cae 16. Who would you choose to live with? im living with my dad 17. Would you hate or still love both of them if they split up? i still ove them both 18. What is your dads favorite tv show? anything on the history chanel 19. What is your moms favorite tv show? sex in the city 20. Do you know any friends that have parents that have divorced? ? 21. When is your dads birthday? ? 22. When is your moms birthday? ? 23. Where does your dad like to shop? old navy 24. Where does your mom like to shop? dido 25. If they did split up, how would you react if they started dating someone else? i wouldnt care
Who were you with last night? at home What woke you up this morning? the clod Where are you? at home at the computer Is tomorrow going to be a good day? i hope so Did you kiss or hug anyone today? yes When's the last time you cried? thursday Ever thrown up in public? yes Passed out because of alcohol? no What's on your mind RIGHT NOW? my GF Would you take a bullet for anyone? yes Where would you like to live? California What kind of home would you like? a big one What do you want to be when you grow up? something that makes alot of money $$$$
On MySpace
Who is your number one? tom Who was the last person that left you a comment? my friend tyler Are you good friends with this person? yes How often do you log in to myspace? not that much How often do you change your main pic? alot Do you post bulletins from QuizPox.com? no What percentage of your friends do you know? 100% How long have you had your MySpace acocunt? 2 years If a bigger better site came out would you give up on MySpace? yes
Random
Do you like candy necklaces? yes When's the last time you fell or ran into something? this morning Do you still go trick or treating? yes What was the last thing you ate? bread Are you a fast typer? yes very much About how many people have you liked? ? What are you doing this weekend? nothing at all Whats your favorite type of soda? i dont like soda Have you ever moved? yes Have you ever won an award? no How many times have you been in love? once an still are with the same person What do you want to do right now? run around the house and scream for no reason Are you listening to music right now? no Are you with someone right now? yes Whats a word or phrase that you love? love is like a dollerbill. It dosnt last very long How long until your birthday? 3 months When were you the saddest in your whole life? when my papa passed away What time is it now? 4:47 pm Do you think anyone will repost to this? idk What makes you pissed off? people farting on me If you were a crayon what color would you be? blue What makes you happy? naked people
Music
Have you ever had a song written about you? yes What song makes you cry? ziggy plays gitar What songs make you happy? milkshake What do you like to listen to before you go to bed? the TV What do you listen to when you're sad? where is the love by the black eyed peas What does Your CD player have in it right now? fall out boy About Me TAKE THIS SURVEY!
Hair Color: brown with blond Eye Color: hazle Piercings: many Tattoos not yet Wearing right now? pjs What taste is in your mouth? gum Have a bad habit? telling gross jokes 2006: sucked 2007: ok 2008: cant watie
What did you have for breakfast? nothing Who do you love? Eric laplante Where were you born? 1992 Where are you? Laconia NH Where do you wish you were? New York Are you happy with your life? Not right now Do you cry a lot? latly yes Do you make people angry? when i want to Do you like who you are? yea Are you random? hell yea Do you like the cold? if my tits say so, yes Do you like the heat? yea Aren?t thunderstorms awesome? yea it looks so cool Do you like to walk in the rain? i love to get wet Isn?t walking in the leaves romantic? yes but rolling in thm is funner Do you have any one in mind that you want to walk in the leaves with? any one from Paramore Do you like expensive things? hell yea Have you been called a slut before? um.. sadly yes Did it bother you? um kida but for what i did i deserved it Why do you smile? because i can and i like to What makes you smile? mostly everything Do people asking you too many questions in a row bother you? yea Why? because i like to sit quitly and i can if there asking questions all the time Do you like cameras? yes Do you like taking pictures? yes very much What is the weather like out side? snowy wet and sunny Are you happy you are alive? at times What or who makes life worth living? i dont know Do they feel the same about you? n/a Do you like looking up at the stars? yes and wish i could get away Ever wanted to go into a black hole thinking it may take you back in time or forward in time? yesssssss!!!!! Ever thought you were in love? yea and i wasnt Do you like puzzles? not all that much How about word searches? a lil Do you like coloring? yes i like colors Can you stay in the lines? yes im not stupid What do you like better, colored pencils, crayons, or markers? markers Can you type fast? yes yes yes yes yes yes What have you been labeled? yea, dont all people get labled or lable Do you want to move? no Do you think the one you love is taking you over? im not in love Are you a geek? no Are you good at math? yes Are you good at history? yes Are you good at English? yes Are you good at science? yes What other languages do you speak? yes fench Can you count in them? yes Do you think you are a nice person? yes What is the worst pain you?ve ever felt? when i got hit by a car Where is your favorite place to be? chucky cheeze Do you want to die? yes, sometimes What did you have for lunch? carots What do you have in your cup/bottle? milk Do you smoke? yep, pot? Do you drink? yep
Who were you with last night? at home What woke you up this morning? my blatter Where are you? at home Is tomorrow going to be a good day? i hope so Did you kiss or hug anyone today? yea When's the last time you cried? um....idk
The PAST
Ever thrown up in public? yes, in home depo Have you ever won an award? yes, plenty in school Have you ever moved? yes How many times have you eaten sushi? all the time Passed out because of alcohol? nope What did you dream about last night? i didnt have one
The FUTURE
Would you take a bullet for anyone? yea i would most likly my daddy Where would you like to live? um..yea What are you doing this weekend? going to see the movie step up 2 What kind of house would you like? any What do you want to be when you grow up? ritch Where do you see yourself in 5 years? college
ON MYSPACE
Who is your number 1? my buddy tyler zimmer Who have you kissed on your top friends? im not sure Who was the last person that left you a comment? idk How often do you log in to myspace? never
IN GENERAL
Do you like candy necklaces?: oh yea When's the last time you fell or ran into something? this morning Do you still go trick or treating? yes What was the last thing you ate? chips Are you a fast typer? yes yes yes yes yes About how many people have you driven with? lots Whats your favorite type of soda? i dont like soda What do you want to do right now? yell Are you listening to music right now? nope Are you with someone right now? my dad and grama Whats a word or phrase that you love? when in dout stick your dick out How long until your birthday? nex month When were you the saddest in your whole life? when anyone dies What time is it now? 5:18 Do you think anyone will repost to this? no one Have you ever had a song written about you? i think so What song makes you cry? um..... alot What songs makes you happy? many What do you like to listen to before you go to bed? i dont Do you have a job?? yes What does Your CD player have in it right now? i hav a ipod If you were a crayon what color would you be? balck What makes you happy? every thing
About me
Height? i dont know right know Hair? dark brown Piercings? 6 Tattoos? no What are you wearing? pants and a t What taste is in your mouth? mint gum Do you have a bad habit? yes many
If you can't get through it, you're too scared about the truth.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? by ex girl friend, really i dont know Are you crushing on someone? yea, a gil on socialsplash Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? yea, my bff haliy Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? yea, lots of times srry! Are you happier single or in a relationship? single being in a relationship is to much work Have you ever told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? umm... sadly yes Have you ever had your heart broken? many a times Have you ever broken someone's heart? i think so Talk to any of your exes? yea, ima nice person If you could go back in time and change things, would you? idk Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend? when im not high, yes Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? hell yea Do you want to get married? some day Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend? yea Have you told anyone you'd marry them? yup How many times have you really truly been in love? once Do you think you'll wind up with the person your dating now? nope Would you spend the rest of your life with your current partner? nope, another day just about dose it
How often do you lie? maybe once a day? Are you a good lier? yes Do you get away with it? most of the time What is the worst lie you have ever told? when i stoll ciggs from a store and said to the owner i didnt and blamed it on some one elts Are white lies okay? well yea What is the last white lie you told? that i already payed my dealer Did you lie a lot when you were younger? yea About what? every thing Did you fool your parents? yup Have you ever been caught in a lie? many times What was it about? not taking money Do you have a guilty conscious? nope How can someone tell when you are lying? i play with my hands
CHEAT
Do you cheat on tests? yes Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? yes Have you ever caught someone else cheating on a test? yes Have you ever cheated on a bf or gf? yes Have you ever been caught cheating on your bf or gf? once Would you ever cheat on your current bf or gf? no Would you ever cheat on them with some famous model/actor/actress? i wish What if you were completely sure you would never be caught? i would do any thing Have you ever been cheated on? yes
STEAL
Have you ever stolen before? yes If so what? money,ciggs, you name it Do you think stealing is a serious crime? it depends on what you steal What would you do if you caught someone stealing from you? punch them Have you ever stolen someones heart? oh yes What was the last thing you stole? money Ever had anything stolen from you? yes If so, what? anything (name it) What would you would steal if you could get away with it? anything
LOVE
Are you currently in Love? i dont think so When was the last time you were in love? with a guy named eric, about 3 weeks ago it ended from liking him for 2 years How long does it take you to fall in love? it depends How many times have you really been in love? 1 or 2 Is love blind? yes How fast do you tell someone that you love them? when i really love them How often do you tell your parents you love them? every day How often do you tell your bf or gf? every day Do you tell your friends? yup Have you ever said I love you and not meant it? couple times Have you ever said I love you but Im not in Love with you? yea..lol Are you a slave to love? yup Do you love yourself? umm..yea lol What is the best thing about Love? feeling safe and knowing that some one loves you aot
McDonalds or Burger King? Burger king Pepsi or Coke? coke Sierra Mist or Sprite? sprite Dominos or Pizza Hut? pizza hut Fridays or Ruby Tuesdays? fridays Pancakes or Waffles? waffles Hamburgers or Cheeseburgers? hamburger Meat or Veggies? veggies Vanilla or Chocolate? vanilla
CLOTHING
Abercrombie or Hollister? abercrombie Boxers or briefs? boxers Collar: Popped or Regular? popped Jeans or Skirt? jeans Sneakers or Flip-Flops? sneakers Wal-Mart or Target? target
MUSIC
NYSNC or Backstreet Boys? backstreet 50 Cent or 2pac? 2pac Country or Rap? rap Rob Thomas or Maroon 5? maoon 5 Goo Goo Dolls or Matchbox 20? matchbox 20 Porcupine Tree or Opeth? opeth
THE OTHER SEX
Face or Body? thats to hard Chest or Butt? chest Hair: Short or Long? long Brunette or Blonde? brunette Candy or Flowers? candy Hugs or Kisses? kisses Friends with Benefits or Date? friends with benefits
TECHNOLOGY
MySpace or Facebook? myspace AIM or MSN? aim TV or Movie? tv Cell Phone or iPod? i phone Automatic or Manual? auto
COLORS
Black or White? black Red or Blue? red Gold or Silver? silver Yellow or Orange? orange Pink or Purple? purple
WEATHER
Summer or Winter? winter Fall or Spring? fall Rain or Thunderstorm? thunderstorm Snow or Rain? rain Hurricane or Earthquake? hurricane
WOULD YOU RATHER...
Shower or Bathe? bath Play an Instrument or Sing? sing Play Ping-Pong or Pool? pool Be Hot or Cold? cold
ARE YOU...
Quiet or Loud? loud Immature or Mature? mature most of the time Ugly or Hot? hot!!!! Smart or Stupid? smart Gay or straight? both
MISC.
Dogs or Cats? dogs Pen or Pencil? pencil Obhama or Clinton? obhama Canada or Australia? canada
